In my opinion, you can know something without understanding it. You can grasp the concept of something, but not really understand what it means for you or your life. There are (at least) three things that I knew before Jake and I got married, but I don't think I truly understood. And while they may seem like "well, duh" concepts, think about whether or not you truly understand the consequences of these ideas, or if you simply know them.
One: All your problems, insecurities, and weaknesses won't magically go away once you get married.
I remember thinking back when I was in middle and high school that once I got married, I'd be happy with myself and I would never have to work on any of my weaknesses again, since I would be nearly perfect once I found a husband. I would be beautiful, smart, 100% organized, and never make any stupid choices. And that definitely sounds like a foolish mindset, but I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling that way. However, just because Jake thinks I'm incredible does not mean I always see myself that way. I still struggle with feeling imperfect, and I battle with my weaknesses like impatience and communication. In some ways it's become harder since I've gotten married because now I feel like if I'm not as great as I could be, I'm letting my husband down.
I remember thinking back when I was in middle and high school that once I got married, I'd be happy with myself and I would never have to work on any of my weaknesses again, since I would be nearly perfect once I found a husband. I would be beautiful, smart, 100% organized, and never make any stupid choices. And that definitely sounds like a foolish mindset, but I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling that way. However, just because Jake thinks I'm incredible does not mean I always see myself that way. I still struggle with feeling imperfect, and I battle with my weaknesses like impatience and communication. In some ways it's become harder since I've gotten married because now I feel like if I'm not as great as I could be, I'm letting my husband down.
Two: You (and your spouse) will have to make your own choices, not just do what your parents have done.
The scriptures say that once you're married, you need to "cleave unto your spouse." To me this means that when Jake and I are making a decision we need to decide together what we should do, not just rely on the opinions of our parents and their (possibly) similar experiences. This has been something I've struggled with more than I anticipated. For 22 years, I was used to calling my mom and dad for advice on pretty much all situations. Changing my mindset from "Mom and Dad have the answer" to "Jake and I will come up with an answer together" is very very difficult.
The scriptures say that once you're married, you need to "cleave unto your spouse." To me this means that when Jake and I are making a decision we need to decide together what we should do, not just rely on the opinions of our parents and their (possibly) similar experiences. This has been something I've struggled with more than I anticipated. For 22 years, I was used to calling my mom and dad for advice on pretty much all situations. Changing my mindset from "Mom and Dad have the answer" to "Jake and I will come up with an answer together" is very very difficult.
Three: No matter what you do or say, there will always be people who disagree with the way you and your spouse "handle" your marriage.
Everyone has differing opinions on the qualities that make a good marriage. Some of them are truly necessary: love, respect, and patience, to name a few. But other smaller qualities aren't so necessary, and because every relationship functions differently, may not be a good idea for some couples. The choices Jake and I make as husband and wife (such as the decision to not have kids yet) are poked and prodded at by certain people. But when it comes down to it, our marriage is none of your business. The only people who have the right to know what is going on are God, Jake and I. And while it's tempting to seek the approval of others, especially in today's world so driven by "likes" and comments on social media posts, approval from others is not necessary.
Everyone has differing opinions on the qualities that make a good marriage. Some of them are truly necessary: love, respect, and patience, to name a few. But other smaller qualities aren't so necessary, and because every relationship functions differently, may not be a good idea for some couples. The choices Jake and I make as husband and wife (such as the decision to not have kids yet) are poked and prodded at by certain people. But when it comes down to it, our marriage is none of your business. The only people who have the right to know what is going on are God, Jake and I. And while it's tempting to seek the approval of others, especially in today's world so driven by "likes" and comments on social media posts, approval from others is not necessary.
Loved it. <3
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh - number 2 I needed so much right now. Thanks Jess! I loved this post!
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