Bullying in the Church

It makes me incredibly sad that in a gospel so focused on the love of Jesus Christ, bullying is still something many of the members deal with on a regular basis--particularly in female-driven groups, such as Relief Society and Young Women. Some of this bullying is simple teasing with good intentions, and might not even be considered cruel by the person accused. But hundreds of people experience painful situations and hurtful comments far too often to be considered entirely accidental.

There is a fine line between taking offense too easily, and allowing yourself to be abused. I firmly believe in the idea that we can choose whether something offends us or not, and whether those incidences cause us to leave the church. However, we should not allow ourselves (or others) to be put in situations where we are belittled, abused, or made to feel less than the children of God that we each are.

Here are some suggestions I have to help bullying in the church become a problem of the past.

Avoid gossip.

Whether this means keeping your mouth shut when you have a piece of information you're dying to share with others, plugging your ears and humming to yourself when others around you are discussing someone's personal life, or simply walking away, just avoid gossiping. Think before you speak. It's really that simple! Take a look at these three steps to avoid gossiping from this article:

1. Don’t talk about people. If you’ve run across some information or have a less than positive observation, don’t go sharing it with everyone. If you wouldn’t say what you’re about to say directly to the person who is the subject of your gossip, don’t talk about it. The only exception to this rule would be if someone is in some form of danger. Then, use common sense and tell somebody who can help. But outside of that, don’t talk about folks. OK? Moving on...

2. When you’re with a very close friend enjoying a nice conversation and perfectly paired Sauvignon Blanc, you may start chatting about folks in your friend group. When you start to do that, read No. 1 again.

3. If it seems like a perfectly justified and innocent time to share, AND you’re doing it out of the spiritual well being of that person, AND you have good intentions and no malice in your heart, read No. 1 again. Not kidding.

 

Love one another.

As terribly cliche and naive as this may sound, loving each other really does help. When we have the right intentions, we're less likely to hurt others by what we say or do. Put yourself in that person's shoes and ask whether you would appreciate being treated in a certain way. Even if we do hurt someone, hopefully the pain can end quickly when the "victim" learns of our genuine intentions.

Take a breath and let it go, let it go...

This one goes out to the victims/potential victims of bullying.
Do.
Not.
Go.
Looking.
For.
Reasons.
To.
Be.
Offended.
There are some people who, no matter how hard they try, always seem to put their foot in their mouth. And sometimes you just have to learn to roll with the punches, laugh it off, and let go. If it really becomes a repeated problem, maybe you shouldn't be taking things so lightly. But try to let things go as much as possible. Holding a grudge will only hurt you in the end, not the bully.

Talk with your leaders.

Sometimes the experiences we have with bullies aren't necessarily from our "colleagues", but from a leader in our group: a Young Women's president, a Relief Society counselor, etc. So we feel that we have nowhere to turn when we need help. But there is always a higher authority! Talk to your bishop. If he's the problem, go to your stake president, and so on.

Pray.

This seems to be the answer for every problem known to man, and that's probably because it works so dang well. I've had personal experiences where I was having trouble dealing with a certain person, and prayed for the strength I needed to be patient, understanding, and forgiving. And it worked wonders! Take the time to pour your heart out to God, and I promise He'll find a way to help you. God's got your back.